Saying goodbye

Yesterday I attended the annual family picnic. My mom's side of the family has been getting together once a year for a picnic at a campground in John Muir Woods for many years. They've occasionally held it at other places, but not since I've moved back to the Bay Area in 1993. This year it took place earlier than usual in order to coincide with my late fathers birthday. He passed away in January and we agreed to scatter his ashes whenever we could all get together.
I initially thought it would be a very small gathering for the scattering, but it turned out to be much larger, with folks coming in from out of state. I haven't seen some of these people in so long I no longer knew who they were. I'm still not sure how I feel about all the people showing up for an event I would have preferred to be smaller. I don't usually mind large groups, but I was a little uncomfortable and I apologize to all I may have offended by not meeting and talking with everyone. I'm fairly certain some there took my "stand-offishness" a little personally. Almost all of the people were family from my mothers side and all were very nice and I appreciate their show of support and love for my mother as well as honoring my father.
It was nice to spread some of the ashes in the local creek. It was a campground that my father used to take us to when I was around 10-12. I have many good memories of those years during our vacations. Like most people, my relationship with my father was complicated. We had our ups and downs and being the first of his children, I'm sure he had to learn as he went along. Actually, I don't think any of us know what we're doing as we raise kids, they're all so different from each other. A technique that works for one may not work with one or more of the others.

From June 29, 2008